Letters You'll Never Send
by randomisking
Summary: The night before her wedding, Quinn reflects on her feelings towards her estranged father and the mark his absence has left on her life.


**A/N: Just so you know, if anyone reads my Quinn/Sam story, The Proof Is In the Picture, no, I haven't given it up. But this idea came to me, and since it's only a one shot, I figured I may as well quickly write it and post it. But I promise my other story will be updated soon. This weekend for sure!**

** Please let me know what you think in the comments below. Thanks a million to anyone who reads this!**

** DISCLAIMER: I do not own Quinn, Sam, or any of the character mentioned. I know, I'm disappointed too. **

It's funny how, on the very nights you need to sleep the most, it is impossible to fall asleep. I wasn't even in bed yet that night, but I knew I wouldn't be able to sleep. It was the night before the most important day of my life: my wedding day. And though I had no doubts about my marriage, I knew that I had to do something first. I'd been shoving away some feelings for a long time, and I knew that it was now the time to let them out. Sighing, I sat down at my desk with a pen and a piece of paper. Then, with a deep breath, the letter that had been so long coming came pouring out.

_Dear Dad,_

_ Whether you know it or not, I'm getting married tomorrow. I've dreamed of what it will be like since I was a little girl. But at the rehearsal tonight I realized something that hadn't crossed my mind before: my wedding won't be exactly as I had thought it would be when I was so young. There will be no father there to walk me down the aisle. And you know what, Dad? I'm happier that way._

_ You tore our family apart, Dad, and I watched. You took advantage of a very real, difficult situation your daughter was put in, and you used it for your own gain. I'm not going to tell you how badly that hurt, because you already know. And you knew that all along, didn't you? But the thing is, Dad, you didn't care. You never cared about our family the way we thought you did. You didn't love me, you loved who I was before I got pregnant. And that's kind of ironic, isn't it? You kicked me out for not being chaste, while you were sleeping around. Maybe ironic isn't the word… I mean hypocritical._

_ I can't tell you what it means to know that all along, your father just wanted to use you. You wanted me to win at the Chastity Ball so you could show me off. And that's why you threw me out. After I was pregnant, you had no use for me anymore. Did you think I wouldn't understand that? I saw right through your behavior, Dad. I'm not stupid. I know what you were doing._

_ Did you ever think about your own wedding day after Mom kicked you out? Probably not, you couldn't risk having some actual remorse for your actions, I bet. But I doubt you would have felt remorse. You're the type that never does feel anything anyway. So I guess you'd have no sympathy for Mom. But it doesn't matter anyway. She's moved on, and she's better without you. We all are. _

_ I guess the weirdest thing, Dad, is that it's been almost eight years now and none of us have heard anything from you. Even Frannie thought you'd try to come back or make up for what you did, but you didn't. And I guess all that showed us is that you never did really care. You didn't want to be a dad anymore, so you decided not to be. But even then, at sixteen, I already knew that that isn't how life works. You can't just walk out when things aren't going the way you want them to. But you did, and I guess that's because you never wanted to be my father._

_ I'll tell you something, Dad. My children will never know their grandfather. And you know what? I'm really happy about that. Because I know that my husband, Sam, is going to be everything you never were. He treats me like a real man should, and he cares for me in ways someone like you couldn't even comprehend. The way you never cared for our family. And I know he will take care of his family until the day he dies. Because that's the way a real husband and father acts._

_ Tomorrow, I'm walking down the aisle by myself, Dad. There won't be any father figure there to give me away, and I won't even miss it. I haven't missed my father for a single moment since he left my life. I guess because he was never a father to begin with._

_ Wherever you are now, Dad, I hope you think about our family sometimes, and what you did to us. And even if you don't, now and then, in those little moments when you're forced to remember, I hope it hurts. I hope it kills you to think about us, but mostly I hope it kills you to think about your own actions. _

_ The last thing I want you to know, Dad, is that I forgive you for what you did. I don't understand it, and I don't even want to. But I know you that I forgive you, so that maybe someday, if you begin to feel human emotions again, you will be sorry. And maybe then you will be able to forgive yourself for what you've done._

_ I know that so much has changed since I was a little girl who thought about things like having my father walk me down the aisle. But I'm not that little girl anymore, and you're not the man we thought you were. So tomorrow, as I walk into my new life, I'm leaving you behind. You are not a part of me anymore, and the scars you've left aren't coming with me either. I'm letting you go now, Dad. I hope someday you can heal like I have._

_ Your Daughter,_

_ Quinn_

I read over the letter carefully and sealed it in an envelope. Carefully, I placed it in my box of keepsakes, symbolically putting away the memories of my father for good. I'd been hurt by him, but somehow things always feel better after writing a letter you'll never send.


End file.
